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She only gets five grand and the clothes on her back. Boo Ya!" Jerry pumped his fist like he'd just scored a touchdown."Shit, I should have put a clause in there that says that in the event of a divorce I get twenty percent of the marital assets. I'd be fucking rich, you're raking in cash over there," he said. His happiness faded when he saw the look on my face. "Sorry man, I sometimes forget that there are real emotions attached to these things sometimes. I guess I've come to expect that everyone sees these things the way I do. It's so easy to forget that divorces usually come from someone getting hurt." It's worse than that, Jerry," I said. "Listen to this." I pulled out my phone and played him a copy of the recordings. I didn't know how to cut through to specific sections so he had to listen to my maid proclaiming her everlasting love for scrubbing bubbles too."Jeezus, your maid really loves her job," he said. "Tony, don't tell me you're screwing the help. Is that what this is all. It was a good thing the DJ hadthat sound track cranked up as loud as he did. If anyone could tell howawful I actually was, this little charade would be over in a hurry - andI would be on my way to the hoosegow. I didn't even realize I knew thelyrics. Okay, I occasionally stopped flipping the channels long enough towatch Cassie's video; just for a few seconds, mind you. When I said Iwouldn't recognize her on the street, I may have misspoken. I mean, sheis a dish. Maybe there is something to this subliminal-programming-on-television controversy after all. God, could that be why I'm addicted toTwinkies?They couldn't hear me. I couldn't hear me, as several hundred voices sangalong with me - each in his or her own key. All I could hear was the wallof noise from the speakers behind me and an equally-deafening wall ofnoise in front of me, drowning out everything else. I stopped attemptingto sing altogether, just lip-syncing to the video.When the song was over, I smiled, waved and escaped.
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